


Beach Episode?

by P0pp3t



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Kinda canon compliant, OOC Galore, The title is so stupid forgive me, Whoo boy a big one!, no beta I have no friends, spy is an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29456289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P0pp3t/pseuds/P0pp3t
Summary: The BLU Team finally reached their goal- destroy the RED base! Although the Administrator doesn't seem pleased...And so, with Miss Pauling being in charge of relocation, she leaves the RED mercenaries to an unfortunate 2-day vacation to a beach!Except there isn't a beach within New Mexico.A hidden lake has a pretty similar feel, right?That's what the mercenaries think, anyway.
Relationships: One-Sided Scout/Miss Pauling
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Road trip!

"Are we there yet?"

"Not yet."

"Are we there yet?"

"Not yet."

"Are w-"

"For the last time, Scout. We are not there yet." Miss Pauling breathed out while she checked the rearview mirror. 10 people were in the van, it was cramped and the smell of sweat lingered in it.

She should've let the Sniper and Engineer drive separately... at least Heavy was driving for her.

She opened the big envelope on her lap and checked if the documents were still there. She let out a relieved sigh and looked back to the RED team. Doing a headcount, she mentally did a checklist. Heavy, Sniper, Engineer, Scout, Medic, Soldier, Pyro, Spy and Demoman. She moved her bangs to the top of her face and inhaled deeply. "Sorry for getting you guys into this mess. I didn't expect them to pull it off!" She looked inside the envelope again, not really checking for anything. "...and if you have anymore inquiries, ask away."

"How long do we have to stay in... wherever we're staying in? You haven't told us where we're going." Sniper asked. "It's a private area that you can relax in, that's all you need to know. There's no animals in the area so don't go out hunting." Sniper nervously chuckled and shrank back to his seat. "I estimate that it'll only take around 3 days for me to fix the BLU's mess, and hopefully I meet that quota." She thoughtfully stared at the men before gasping. "Oh, right! Have you guys read the thing I gave you?" Everyone muttered different words of confirmation. "Good. So, just in case someone asks for your names-" she cleared her throat, "you say?"

Everyone collectively groaned.

"Scout, Walt!"

"Mmmo, Md!"

"Heavy. Viktor."

"Sniper, Simon."

"Demo! Uh, Fritz?"

"Engie, Henry."

"Soldier, Audie..."

"Medic... Phillip?"

Everyone looked at Spy.

"...Spy," he deeply sighed, "Joe."

The first one to break out laughing was Scout, who leaned on Spy while laughing. Spy desperately tried to push him away, but surprisingly the Bostonian was heavy. "Joe! That's the most American name I've ever heard!" Soldier quickly tried to stand up and bumped his head to the roof of the car. "And you should be proud of it, maggot! You must wear your American name with honor!" Demoman pushed Soldier down, shaking his head. "When will yer thick skull break, lad?" "If he receives more very strong blunt force trauma, zen pretty soon mein freund!" Medic excitedly added.

"No, no. We can't have you guys losing stuff and... whatever Medic said. Don't get into trouble, got it?" All the mercenaries nodded. She leaned on her seat and closed her eyes. After contemplating on the plan she opened her eyes again and wiped the sweat off her forehead. She turned to the Engineer and Spy, her face dark. "I'm trusting you two to do the babysitting." "Don't worry, ma'am. Me and Spah can handle it." Her face lost its seriousness and turned to a warm smile. "Good, good- oh, we're here!"

The mercenaries confusedly stared at the dead end before them.

Everyone except Miss Pauling exited the van along with their luggage. She pointed at her eyes then at the mercenaries, and drove off. "Ya saw that, Pyro? She was definitely only lookin' at me!" Engineer shook his head, tutting Scout. "She was lookin' at everyone, Scout." "Let a man dream, and-" he straightened up and tried to look down at the Engineer, "my name's Walt." "Then why did ya call 'Ed' Pyro?" Everyone else chuckled while Scout tried to come up with a response. "Whateva'! Let's just go... wait, where are we gonna go?"

Everyone looked around the area.

There's nothing except sand, with mountains of it around them.

"Did the lady just leave us tae die?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already had most of the story planned so I will probably post the chapter 2 tomorrow :)  
> Fun fact, this is mostly based on a dream!


	2. Day 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exploring is fun! Unless you get lost.

Everyone stood there silently and contemplated on where they should go next. "Did woman forget to tell how to go?" Heavy said as he placed down the bags he was carrying. "Or she left us here tae die! I knew I shouldn't have drank meh Scrumpy!" Demoman replied. "Now, now fellas, calm down. The entrance is just hidden well, let's look for it." Engineer said as he walked towards the dead end, feeling its smooth exterior. "Ah, see? This part of it ain't real. Hopefully it should-"

The wall swung inward and revealed a hidden entrance. "Finally, shade! The heat was gettin' to me!" Scout hurriedly walked to the entrance of the tunnel then stopped. "It's uh, pretty dark in there. You all should walk with me so you don't have to be scared." Everyone else rolled their eyes as they entered the tunnel.

"Mmo mmo mmmd mma mmmer?" Pyro offered. They pulled out their lighter and went in front of the group with Scout trailing behind them. "Thanks, Py. You're really helpin' everyone else." "Just shut up and keep valking." Medic said as he squinted his eyes in the dark.

They finally reached the end of the tunnel and immediately stopped in their tracks.

"This... this is..." "A hidden lake!" Soldier screamed, cutting off Spy. "There's even a house here and everythin'! There's grass... how the hell is there grass here!?" Scout said as he dropped his things and ran to the lake side. Before he could remove his clothes Heavy clasped the boy's shoulder. "Нет, your bags." "Fine, fine, big guy."

"Mann Co. is really giving us all this? For 3 days?" Sniper whispered as he admired the greenery. "Don't forget, bushman, they'll be taking 3 days off from our vacation days." Spy said as he walked towards the cabin. "...And this cabin isn't spacious. Look inside."

All the mercenaries walked towards the cabin's front door and peeked inside. "At least we have a kitchen and some beds. How about we head in and unpack our things?" Engineer advised as he went in first and took the first lower bunk on the right.

"I'm taking Engie's top bunk!" Scout immediately climbed up and laid down. "Oh, bed, I missed you." Engineer sighed as he looked at the other men. "...I just realized that we only have 8 beds. Who's sharin' a single bed?" The others looked at each other with caution and panicked.

"I don't wanna share with anyone!"

"I'm definitely not sharing with the bushman."

"For once, I agree with Spook here."

"I will take bottom only. Too heavy for top and sharing single bed."

"I'll only share vith ze Heavy!"

"Anywhere is fine! As long as I get to sleep on top!"

"Ngh, do we have tae fight? I'm takin' bottom, I dinnae want tae share, only with mah Scrumpy."

"Mmmmr Mm mmmng mmmp mmmn?"

"Quiet down! Look, I'll assign the places! So that means, Scout..." Scout groaned and quickly sat up, glaring at Engineer. "But Engie-!" "No buts, get down from there." The Bostonian hesitantly went down the bed and stuck out his tongue. "Now don't give me that attitude, boy."

"So, who's the ones sharing?" Spy asked. "I'm thinkin' Scout and Pyro should share on a bottom bunk, with Sniper on top." Spy and Sniper sighed in relief, with Scout pouting. "I wanted to sleep on top!" "Too bad, son. Now," Engineer looked at the last remaining five, "Spy, you're with me. Soldier and Demo will share, and Medic and Heavy will share. Y'all decide which position you're taking." Soldier and Demoman high-fived while Heavy helped Medic with his things. The rest of team drowned out Scout's complaints.

"Where do I put this?" Heavy asked as he raised a backpack. "Ah, you can put it on ze bed, Misha." Heavy nodded as he carefully placed the bag down. As Medic unpacked his things, a wave of realization hit him.

He forgot to bring his doves from the van.

"Doktor, what's wrong?" Medic frantically looked at Engineer. "Ah, mein freund, can you contact Frau Pauling? I seem to have, uh, forgotten somezing very important back in ze van." "Ah sorry, Doc. The lady didn't want us bringin' communication with us." "But it's really urgent!" Medic yelled a bit too loudly, catching everyone's attention. "What did you leave behind? Surely we can repl-"

"Nein! Mein doves are irreplaceable! Archimedes would fair fine in zhe crate, but ze ozers!? Euclid and Nicolaus would cause a riot! Not to mention Claudius is more impatient zan ze rest! Or Democritus, Zales, Hypatia-" "We get it, ya forgot your doves. So what?"

Medic immediately turned around to the source of the retort, Scout. "I'd rather cut you up without respawn zan leave zem behind." Scout quickly scooted behind Pyro. Heavy was first to comfort Medic, who patted the man's back. "Do not worry about friends. Little woman is capable. Do not worry." "But, mein doves... oh Archimedes!" Medic started crying on Heavy's shoulder.

"I'm uh, leaving the sobfest to you guys. See you at sundown." Sniper whispered as he left the cabin, a cloud of red smoke trailing behind him. Soldier quickly stood up, saluting the Engineer. "I will follow Sniper, I want to look for wild racoons!" "I dinnae think there's racoons, the lass said so." Soldier faced Demoman, making a face only a child would do. "...but she might be wrong! Let's go, aye?" Soldier giddily took Demoman's hand and ran out, leaving five men and the sound of sobbing behind.

"How about you stop following me, mate?" Sniper yelled as waddled through the water. After a few seconds of silence, he came back to the lakeside and sat down on a rock. Having heard the sound of decloaking, he finally turned around, seeing a smug Spy. "I thought you didn't mind my presence!" Sniper huffed and wringed a pant leg.

"I would if your stick wasn't making my nose itch."

"I'm surprised you can smell through that horrid body odor of yours!"

"I'm surprised you can say that with a breath like yours."

"But only when I smoke, non? Yours is 24/7."

"With an attitude like that I wonder why girls flock to ya!"

"It's called allure."

"Keep using vocabulary like that and I'll ruin that 3000 dollars suit of yours."

"Is that too big for you to understand? Perhaps you shouldn't have removed hygiene from your vocabulary!"

The argument was interrupted by a sudden splash of water, mostly affecting the Spy. "Mon dieu! Soldier, what the hell are you doing!?" "Looking for racoons, Frenchie!" "Racoons? Mate, there's no-" A distant yell cut off Sniper.

"Aye, we're looking for racoons!" Demoman caught up with Soldier and made a pleading face at the two assassins. Both Spy and Sniper looked at each other and grinned. "Yeah, there could be racoons, alright." "But they could be vagabonds." When Soldier tilted his head to the side, Spy continued. "They move a lot, Soldier. That means you should scout the whole area!" Demoman's relieved face turned to disappointment as he was dragged away again. The two assassins only laughed at the Scot's predicament.

Medic finally calmed down. "Mein freunds, Misha. Mein freunds are alone and I can't do anyzing." "But you have us, yes?" Medic only sniffed in response. Scout rolled his good eye and placed ice on the other. "We've been tellin' ya, don't worry about it! Pauling took care of birds before." Engineer whistled and leaned on the bed. "And how would you know that, boy?"

Scout's face became flustered as he gripped the ice pack tighter. "S-she told me some time ago, alright!? On our dates!" "Dates? I thought they're just support mis-" Heavy quickly covered Medic's mouth. "I see little man is in love, not just tiny baby crush." Scout raised an eyebrow. Heavy chuckled and removed his hand from Medic's mouth. "Little man is not, ah, what's the word? Похоть?" Medic nodded. "Lust, mein freund." "Our boy's growing up!" Engineer spoke through his laughter.

"Hey, I'm 24! I'm not a kid!" Scout yelped. Medic stared at Scout then Pyro for a good, long while and shook his head. "Ze Pyro is more like an adult compared to you." Scout grumbled and leaned on Pyro more. Pyro, annoyed, tapped Scout's shoulder. "What is it bud?" "Mm mmmmng!" Pyro pointed at their paper, which now had an accidental straight line. "Ah, sorry Py." A muffled sigh was only heard from Pyro as they tried to draw with it. Their stomach suddenly grumbled.

"Mmmee, mmmd?" They pointed at the fridge for emphasis. "Ah, right! What time is it fellas?" "Quarter to 5." Medic replied as he looked at his watch. Engineer went to the fridge and opened it, his mouth turned down a bit. "Now, what should I cook up for dinner?"

"Sol, stop!" Demoman begged. They came to a halt, and Soldier looked back, still full of energy. "What is it private?" Demoman knelt down on the ground, breathing deeply. He pointed up. "The sky?" He shook his head, pointing at the setting sun. "I see, we must go there!" "No! Lad, it's getting dark! We have tae head back." Demoman yelled. Soldier frowned and looked around. "How will we get back?" Demoman looked around too, and his eyes widened. "We're lost."

"Spook, you should've seen his face!" Sniper said as he tried to imitate Demoman earlier. He accidentally tripped but managed to get his balance again. Spy snorts. "It was priceless. Perhaps that will teach him a lesson." Sniper stared at Spy, confused.

"Lesson?" "Lesson on letting the madman do his antics. He's the one who pushed the Soldier to look for racoons, after all." Sniper scratched his chin and reached for the doorknob. "I guess you're right." They entered the cabin, expecting to see the American and the Scotsman. "Wait, they're not back yet?" Spy asked. "Herr Spy, I thought zey vere vith you." Medic asked while he helped Engineer. Sniper gulped.

"Piss."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad wi-fi sucks :(


	3. Night 1

"Ngh, Soldier, stop squirmin'!" Demoman yelled in a scolding tone, trying to keep his grip on Soldier. The latter only stayed silent, staring up. Annoyed, Demoman stopped and pulled Soldier to get his attention. "Lad, if ya want tae get those damned racoons of yours, we have tae get back!" Soldier gasped and angrily recoiled his hand. "Damned!? Demo, I didn't take you for a commie!" "I'm not, and we're going home!" Demoman started walking again, his pace getting faster. "But you don't even know where we're going!" Soldier yelled back. "Better tae get a distance than no distance at all!" "And I'm trying to help!"

Demoman stopped again, this time with a scowl. "And what are ya doing? Is this what help is to ya?" "Affirmative!" Soldier hooked his arm around Demoman, pointing at the sky. "Do you see those stars over there?" He held the other's face towards the sky for good measure. "There should be a star that we can follow, and we would go north!" Demoman scratched his head. "Then?" Soldier held his helmet down, thinking. "...I didn't think that far."

Demoman returned Soldier's gesture and wrapped his arm around the other, smiling apologetically. "At least you have an idea. Let's try that, alright?"

"Sorry, mate, we didn't think they'd go so far!" Sniper retorted at the angry Engineer, raising his hands up in defensively. "Seriously, it's only the first day and now someone's lost? Aw jeez." Scout whispered to Pyro, who nodded in response. Engineer raised his gloved hand and pointed at Sniper's chest. "You of all people should know what that man's capable of." Sniper shuddered, remembering a certain honey-covered man who ran around his outpost. He rubbed at his chest as the jabs were surprisingly strong. "I know. Look just, sorry, really. It was supposed to be just a harmless prank." "Well now it ain't harmless..." Engineer replied, finally sitting down. Medic rubbed circles behind Engineer's back, nodding. "Indeed. Ve should zink of a vay to contact zose two."

Pyro looked up and dropped their pencil. He started waving his hands around, pointing at their bag.

"What is it firebug?" "Mm mmmf mmmr mmn! Mmmy mmll mmee!" Pyro stood up and reached into their bag, humming as they did. They pulled out their flare gun, along with some flares. They made a firing gesture at the sky, then pointed outside. Engineer quickly stood up and carefully took the weapon from them, patting their head. "Good thinkin', Py! How about you do the honors?" Pyro happily led Engineer outside and looked up the sky. They took a few moments to admire the scenery, while also looking for a place to properly aim the flares. Pyro pointed at a clearing and took the gun from Engineer, loading it up. They raised their arm towards the sky and fired.

Both Demoman and Soldier turned to the source of the noise, then saw a red light soaring through the air. Both stared at each other in disbelief then smiled. They were close.

"They should be able to see the light, the flora isn't that thick up there." Sniper said as he approached the two. "If you're here to apologize to me again, Slim, no need to. We just don't have to let it happen again." Engineer replied, not looking at Sniper as Pyro fired another flare to the sky. Sniper removed his hat and sat down on the ground cross-legged. "Might as well say sorry to the other two." Engineer glanced at Sniper and gave a small smile. "Hopefully they don't beat y'all asses to the ground." Sniper chuckled.

"You should have said sorry." Heavy told Spy as he continued to work on the food. "Why should I apologize for something that's out of my control? It's their fault they got lost, the bushman shouldn't have apologized." "Is your head so far up your ass, Spy? Like, seriously, it's your fault those guys got lost! You both made Soldier go further than he had to!" Scout yelled, most of it muffled by the pillow he was laying on. "And Herr Sniper realized zat. Vhy can't you?"

Spy took out another cigarette in response, making Heavy look at him disapprovingly. "If you smoke, please outside. Smoke could get stuck in cabin, not good for breathing." Spy huffed as he stood and went to the door. "Fine. I'm taking my leave." As he opened the door, he activated his inviswatch, then slammed the door shut. Scout raised his head and looked at the two men left in the cabin. "So uh, what do ya think Miss P is doin'?"

The trio outside waited in silence, nervously glancing around them for any signs of the two. "Mmme mmr mmmmr mmn?" "Nah, don't. We have to save some, ya can stare at the pretty colors anotha' day."

They suddenly heard a branch snap and rustling leaves. They all turned to the left and saw the bushes move. After a few seconds, Demoman and Soldier came out of it covered in scrapes and leaves. "Ah, there you two are!" Engineer helped the two get up, with Sniper nervously behind him.

Demoman noticed Sniper and tried to grab him by the collar. "YOU-" "Stop! Demo-" Engineer pushed Demoman away to protect Sniper. "Now don't get feisty. We're getting in first, have a meal, then you four can argue later!" Sniper stared at Engineer. "Four?" "Did you forget about Spah? And I know he's near us, he left the cabin a moment ago."

Soldier fixed his helmet and dusted himself while everyone else stayed silent. "I'm sorry, Engie! I have failed! We did not find racoons! But I learned a valuable lesson about friendship!" Demoman face palmed and dragged Soldier towards the cabin. "Sorry for the trouble, lads. The beer's on meh when we get back." Engineer quickly shook his head. "Ya don't have to. I'm just glad to see you two safe and sound." "And your beer's poison, anyway..." Sniper whispered, earning him a nudge to the stomach by the Engineer. Demoman noticed and laughed it off, Soldier, though confused, laughed with him. 

They spent supper speaking through mouthfuls of broth and a bit of tension.


	4. 1.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So uh, what do ya think Miss P is doin'?"  
> or  
> BLU is in trouble.

Miss Pauling drove to headquarters and brought the BLU Engineer with her. "Ma'am, with all due respect, why in Sam Hill are ya bringing me to there? I thought me and the boys will be doin' some, ah, community service?" Pauling nodded as she kept her eyes on the road. "Consider this as a part of your service, Dell. The Administrator wants to have a word with you." Dell scratched the back of his head, his sweat visible due to the lack of goggles and hard hat. He lowered his arm, looking straight ahead. "Is she really that pissed?" Pauling laughed, glancing quickly at him then to the road. "You'll see."

Only the clicks of their shoes and his heartbeat was all Dell could hear as they walked through the hallway. He actively tried to avoid meeting the woman, but it seems that luck wasn't on his side today. When they reached their destination, Pauling motioned him to open the door, and after he knocked, he slowly opened it. His eyes slightly squinted at the monitors, trying to keep his gaze away from the chair in the middle of the room. The Administrator turned off the monitors all at once, and slightly looked back to the door. "I see you've brought Mr. Conagher. Thank you, Pauling. Let me have a word with him." "Yes ma'am." Miss Pauling half-whispered as she closed the door.

"So, Mr. Conagher-" "Dell."

" _Dell_ , I assume you're well aware why I have you here today?"

"Yes."

She played with the cigarette holder in her hands. "Then you must know there are consequences to their behavior." Dell gulped as he thought of his team's antics. "I would've congratulated you all if this were a different time, however," she inhaled the cigarette and let out a puff of smoke, "this is a different time. A time of which I needed the RED mercenaries to be in one place." After letting out a sigh, Dell finally looked at the chair in the middle of the room. "...I understand, ma'am. I'm willing to receive the punishment necessary." The Administrator turned around, her face not visible due to the darkness of the room. Dell only stared back, his face absolute.

"What are you ashamed of, Dell Conagher?"

Pauling went back to the van, her face full of worry. She shouldn't have eavesdropped, but curiosity got the best of her. She left halfway through the conversation and went back to the parking lot. She opened the back of the van. A single large rectangular box with holes was at the back of the van, which puzzled her.

"How did I not notice this?" she muttered to herself as she reached in to open it. A flight of doves suddenly flew out it and landed on car's roof. "Medic's doves! Dammit!", she yelled as she removed a feather from her mouth. She stared at the flock then grimaced. How did Medic deal with them? She pondered for a bit, then heard a soft coo from the middle, which came from a dove that was covered in blood. Pauling reached for it, trying to remember its name.

"Archi...medes?" Archimedes chipperly cooed and perched on her hand, making the others coo as well. Pauling slightly smiled before frowning again. How is she going to get them inside the box again?

The only time she has 'taken care' of birds was killing them, and she shuddered, imagining what the mad doctor would do to her if she killed one of his doves. Not even Helen would stop his insanity. "Pauling!" She turned to her left, seeing Dell run towards her. "I thought ya were gonna leave me...?" He trailed off as he noticed the doves, confused, then looked back at Pauling. "RED's?" She nodded. The doves seemed to have raised their guard around Dell, Pauling noticed.

"Well I reckon I can be of some help. I don't have much but," he pulled out a sandvich and took the vegetables out of it, "I think this would do to lure them in." Archimedes' cocked his head.

They finally reached the BLU base, and only Archimedes was outside of the box, perched on Pauling's shoulder. Dell got out of the car and tiredly walked to the entrance. "I'll be seeing you again!" Pauling shouted, Archimedes cooing with her. Dell only waved as he watched the van drive away.

The BLU Soldier approached him as he entered the rec room. His helmet was skewed to the side and had a dent in it, and his jacket was torn to pieces. He still did a salute and motioned Dell to come inside.

Dell saw his teammates battered up and having the same claw marks as Soldier, but Soldier's were more severe. The BLU Medic wasn't with them. "Jane, why do y'all have claw marks? What did I miss?" Jane removed his jacket and sat down. "Medic is angry with us." Dell raised a brow. "But I'll explain that later. So, remember Merasmus and the RED Soldier? Apparently he has a raccoon sanctuary now." "Oh." was all Dell said as he sat down beside Jane.

"And well..."

He had a lot of explaining to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might do side stories (BLU's side) after this,,,


	5. Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friendship is stupid.

Engineer sat up and stretched his arms. He turned to the kitchen/dining room and saw Spy sitting on the table, porcelain cup in hand.

"Mornin'." Spy took a long dramatic sip with a smirk on his lips.

"Bonjour."

Engineer stood up stretched again, this time puffing out his chest a bit. His hands drooped from tiredness as he waddled towards the drawers. They both stayed in blissful silence, basking in the soft glow of the sunlight from the window beside them. They heard a creak, making them turn to the beds.

"What time?" Heavy asks as he sat up, crouching a bit as to not hit the top bunk. "7 o'clock, mon ami." Heavy nodded and joined the rest. As Engineer made his coffee, he suddenly remembered why he hated early mornings. "Heavy, I need you to-"

"GOOD MORNING MAGGOTS!" Soldier screamed as he sat up, disturbing the others. Demoman kicked Soldier's mattress, covered his face with his pillow and tried to go back to sleep. "Now I remember vhy I never used my room." Medic said after he woke up. Soldier ignored the response and jumped down the bunk, his energy beaming. "GOOD MORNING U-"

Spy hit Soldier's neck, knocking the man unconscious. "No need to thank me." He said as returned to his seat. "He deserved it. Do ve have tea?" Spy nodded and tilted his head to the box beside Engineer. "Danke."

Scout woke up next. He dangled his arm at the edge of his bed. He squinted the ones in the kitchen, then to Soldier's passed out body. "Why the hell is Soldier on the floor?" Everyone else shrugged. Scout nodded in understanding.

He rolled off his bed and stood up gracefully. He reached in for Pyro that was next to him in bed, nudging them awake. "Wake up bud." Pyro's yawn was muffled by the mask. "Rise and shiiine." "Mmmnnn." Pyro replied, hugging their balloonicorn plushie closer. "Mhm, fine. I'll wake you up later." Pyro made a noise of appreciation and went back to sleep.

"I'm surprised Sniper isn't the one brewing coffee." Scout said. Sniper looked down at the mention of his name. "Tired. Can you make one for me Truckie? No sugar." Engineer gave a thumbs up and reached for another mug. Everyone sat in silence again, ignoring Demoman's snores. Engineer took a sip of his coffee and looked at the rest.

"So I was thinking," "Merde." "to have everyone hang out, team bonding, but by pairs." He took another sip. "Just so that things wouldn't be too boring."

Spy tutted. "I'd rather fight with no respawn than to hang out with these lunatics." "Shucks. And I was plannin' to have a grill tomorrow morning, too!" Engineer's grin was visible behind the cup. Spy was a man of fine tastes, but good food within the group was hard to come by. "...Since Mann Co. has a strict rule with us leaving," Spy grimaced at Engineer's smug smile, "I'll partake in this tomfoolery."

Sniper clapped slowly. "That was so brave of ya, mate." His sarcasm irritated Spy even more. Before they could speak again, Heavy coughed. "Little men will not fight this early. Or I'll crush little baby men with fists." He cracked his knuckles, effectively shutting up the two.

"So what's the activities today, sir?" Scout emphasized the last part with a frown. "Mostly just explorin'. We've got a lot of time to navigate and not get lost." He glanced at Soldier and Demoman. "And hell, maybe you can swim out there. We've got tons of bottled water to drink." "Bottled water?" Soldier said, suddenly awake and still lying on the floor. "We've always had bottled water. Why are ya surprised?" Scout raised the bottle to Soldier's direction. "Fascinating." The American muttered.

"Ve can discuss ze implications of zat later." Medic spoke while he rested his head on his arms. He looked up to Engineer, his tired blue eyes meeting black lenses. "Who's with who?" Engineer chuckled and raised his goggles to his forehead. "I think..."

"Vhy am I vith you again?" Medic sighed as he glared at Scout, who only shrugged. "Engie probably thought you're a lonely old man who needs a cool young man to join ya!"

"An annoying young _boy_ is ze only one I'm seeing." Scout glared for a bit then continued his reading instead of replying back. Medic did the same and continued to read the novel in his hands. "Vat are you reading, anyvay?" "Saxton Hale's comics, duh. This time he fights a shit load of snakes! Poison snakes! Then a giant one comes up, can you believe it? He fights a giant fu-"

"Quiet down, dummkoff. You're getting too vulgar." Scout immediately clamped his mouth shut. After eyeing the book in Medic's hands a bit, Scout asked, "What are you readin', then?"

"Prejudice, zat's all you need to know." "Prejudice? Is that like, a type of juice?" Medic snorted, making Scout grin. 

"In all seriousness, zis is a story about, uh," he started to think of synonyms, making him tap his fingers on the book, "hate because of certain circumstances, and how zings vould seem different for a child. Surprisingly, one of ze characters has ze same name as you." Scout jumped as he sat up, giddily trying to snatch the book. "Can I see!?" "Nein! You're not ze type to read long texts, Scout." "I can try!" "I said nein! Get off me!" They both got into a tangle of limbs as they fought for the book. Engineer and Pyro both watched with varying levels of interest.

Pyro cheered, while Engineer watched in dismay. "Don't break your limbs, now." he scolded. Pyro turned to Engineer, pointing to the scene in front of them. "Mmmw mms?" "This ain't a good moment to paint, son. And I sure as hell wouldn't want to hang this on mah wall." Pyro rubbed the bottom of their mask, nodding. 

Medic victoriously got up and raised the book above his head. "You can read zis once you're older." Scout tried to reach for the book again, but even with his jumps being higher than the others, he still couldn't snatch the book away. "Fine! I ain't readin' it, it sounds stupid anyway." He slumped back to his chair and grumpily reread the comic. Medic grinned triumphantly and went back to his book, going through a few pages to get back to the story.

"Hm. Now maybe this right here can be the thing we'll paint." Engineer pointed at the cup between Scout and Medic. "Mmmph. Mmayt mmma!" Pyro said as they prepared some paint. "You have extra gloves for this, Py?" Pyro shook their head apologetically. "Dagnabbit."

  
As Spy walked away from the window of the cabin, he noticed Demoman and Soldier's banter from a distance. They stayed in front of the lake, not straying far from the cabin. He shuddered at Soldier's display of incompetence, shoveling the dirt with his hands like some kind of caveman. Demoman wasn't any different, either, who helped Soldier with the digging. "I'm not even going to ask." Spy said as he stood away from the hole. "We're just gonna dump these, lad." Demoman took the potion bottle and showed it to Spy. His grip wasn't firm and it almost slipped out. 

"Are those- merde." Spy face palmed as he watched them dump the potion's contents into the soil. "I took them from Merasmus!" "You mean stole?" Spy clarified. "On the contrary! Merasmus is my roommate, so I get to keep his stuff as souvenirs!" "That's not how it works." Spy rebutted, falling into deaf ears.

"We will now watch these potions do absolutely nothing, Frenchie! Merasmus said so! He said, 'Soldier, don't touch those for they do nothing, Merasmus is displeased, blah blah'. You know, the usual!" Spy stared in disgust at Soldier's mouth as he spoke. "Are you eating the dirt as well?" Soldier smiled back and Spy could only look away. "Why must you be like this." Demoman only raised his arms lazily and gave thumbs up, clearly drunk.

  
Meanwhile Sniper and Heavy walked through the forest, this time walking through a trail. Heavy only carried a single bag with him, containing two bottles of water and sandviches. "Where do we go?" Heavy asked as he moved the leaves away from his face. "Anywhere, mate. We just don't have to go that deep. I wanna explore this place more, this would be my last visit to the place after all." Sniper replied as he slashed through a branch with his kukri. "I see. I miss cold, clean air, so this is nice." Heavy replied back. They kept walking silently, not noticing the creeping vines behind their feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might post the last 3 chapters tomorrow :)  
> And hey, maybe I'll post the side stories with them!  
> This was surprisingly fun to write, even if it's kinda mundane.
> 
> Yes, Medic's reading "To Kill A Mockingbird".


	6. Night 2

Sniper noticed the sun was setting. He stopped slashing through the bushes and smiled. "I think this is enough exploring, right big guy?" When he heard no response, he turned around and looked behind him, but there was no sign of where the Russian went. "Heavy?"  
He suddenly felt something creeping over his foot, making him yank it away. "What the hell-" His arm, the one that was holding the kukri, was suddenly wrapped in vines. The vines close to his feet were starting to wrap his leg as well. He tried to get out of it, but it was no use. His whole body was soon covered with vines.

  
At least he knows what happened to Heavy, he thought before he was knocked out.

"I shouldn't have trusted your words." Spy whispered to Soldier. Soldier's mouth was wide open in amazement. Demoman on the other hand, was staring in fear. "I agree. Why did I even... Ugh." He said as he slowly backed away.

  
A few hours ago, they dumped the potion that was supposed to do absolutely nothing into the ground. However, the potion _did_ do something, as a giant velvet flower bud grew from the ground. Soon enough, it bloomed and glowed. Why the others in the cabin didn't see this was a mystery to Spy,

  
He noticed the vines creeping to the cabin. He immediately ran inside, and to his surprise, the vines weren't inside yet.

"Labourer, hand Pyro its things. We need a fire, quickly." Pyro groaned when they heard Spy use it, and Engineer was no different. "At least respect firebug, Spah. And why do we need a fir-"  
He was cut off by a vine bursting from the ground. It snatched Scout, wrapped him then pulled him down into the ground.

"THAT!"

Pyro, panicked, quickly took their bag and assembled their flamethrower. "What's goin' on outside!?" Engineer yelled as he snatched Demoman's container of explosives. "Soldier." Spy said as he looked outside again. He saw Soldier fighting the flower itself while Demoman was struggling with the vine wrapped around his stomach.

When Medic was about to assemble his medigun, big vines burst out and pulled the beds under, taking most of the luggage down. Defeated, he settled for the crossbow that was left behind. "How do ve defeat it?" "Like I said, docteur." Spy lit a cigarette and kept the lighter in his hands. "Fire."

A kick to the head woke Sniper up.

  
A pained groaned escaped his lips as he looked for his assailant. He spotted Scout squirming around with a vine covering his mouth. He noticed the Heavy close to his side, who crossed his arms. "Scout complained too much. Plant covered his mouth." Heavy explained under Sniper's questioning gaze.

  
"I'm not gonna ask if it's sentient anymore aaaand this is probably Soldier's fault." Sniper trailed off in hearing Soldier's battle cries. "Ya tried getting out?" Heavy nodded his head. "The plant grows again after I tear it apart. Very quickly." Sniper sighed. "Guess they have to save our sorry asses."

Soldier punched the flower's tendrils away. "Lad, I dinnae know how yer still alive, but keep doin' that!" Demoman yelled as he loosened himself from the plant's grip. Managing to slip out, he quickly ran towards the now-destroyed cabin. He watched the rest run out of the it.

"Engie, what did ya get?" Engineer raised the container filled with grenades. "Aye, that'll do." "Mmmait!" Pyro yelled. "What is it, lad?" "Mmmr mmmll mmmide!" Pyro explained as he crossed his arms.

"Firebug's right. We could accidentally kill Scout! And seein' as Sniper and Heavy ain't here, I reckon the same happened to 'em." "And I reckon they're inside that large bump beneath that monster." Spy butted in.

"How are we gonna get in without hurtin' them?" Pyro raised their axe. After looking back and forth to their flamethrower and axe, they handed it to Medic.

"Vhy are you giving me zis-?" "Mmmo mmn mmo mmt!" Medic nervously gripped the axe and looked at his teammates. "Fine. I'll try my best." Before Medic could walk away, Pyro grabbed his shoulder. "Vat is it?"

They raised their flamethrower.

"Mmmmbf mmsmks!" Scout yelled, muffled. "Go on mate, your Pyro impression's pretty good." Sniper replied, annoyed.

An axe suddenly passed through the vines and almost hit Sniper's head. "Holy-" "Sorry mein freund!" He heard Medic yell as the German swung his axe again and again. The axe was glowing red and surprisingly effective with stopping the plant to regrow its vines.

They heard explosions and the sound of muffled laughter outside. "Quick, we have to go." Medic said as he held out his hand, pulling Sniper out. Heavy helped Scout out of his binds and followed suit.

"Ya got them, doc!?" "Yes, Herr Engineer!" Engineer turned to Demoman and nodded, preparing the explosives in their hand. Soldier was still raised up and wrapped in vines, fighting the plant and screaming at it, but he was out of the explosion's range. They threw the grenades together, destroying the plant's gigantic stem, making it lose its balance and source of life.

Pyro ran to it immediately and set the rest of it on fire. They giggled happily, watching the plant dance with pretty colors around it.

Everyone watched the plant turn to ash. The high of the fight was dying down, and soon everyone was sitting on the grass underneath the moonlight. "Zat vas... something." Medic said, out of breath. "Yeah. Is it better than the bread stuff tho'?" Scout asked.

Everyone else muttered a yes. "Then this is good!" Scout added.

"I guess you're right. Although, at least back then we had a base to come back to." Scout nodded while listening to Engineer's reply. "True, true."

Soldier stopped kicking the vines that weren't burned by Pyro, smiling proudly. "That was amazing, men! True showcasing of bravery! However," he looked at the destroyed cabin in disappointment, "where are we going to sleep?"

Everyone collectively groaned.


	7. 2.5

Miss Pauling filed the paperwork, sent the orders, hired workers- is she forgetting something?

She remembered as soon as Archimedes landed on her desk.

Right, the birds.

She had fed them earlier, along with some water for in case they're thirsty. She'll talk to the ex-doctor about it tomorrow. She shifted through the paper work with a proud smile on her face, she's one day earlier than she intended. She spun around on her chair and silently celebrated her achievement. With the new base already under way months ago, it was truly a moment of luck- she didn't have to bother with the location at all. An easy task that she can easily manage.

The BLUs crime spree however, was not an easy task to manage.

She deeply groaned as she looked at their criminal record just from yesterday that she had to pay off and erase. Public indecency, harm against animals, destruction of public property, trespassing, theft... She groaned again.

What the hell happened yesterday?

She didn't have the time for answers or questions, so she instead placed the papers on the desk again. She was done with the most of it, anyway. All she had to do was rest, revisit the BLUs, then fetch the REDs. She smiled again, today was a good day.

"Today is not a good day men!" The BLU Soldier shouted out as he swept the grass closer to the pile. "Just keep sweepin'." The BLU Engineer said as he threw away a plastic bag filled with trash. "It ain't fair!" The BLU Scout yelled. "We basically did our objective, and we're wrong!?" He almost broke the broom in half during his fit.

The BLU Heavy nodded his head. "The Administrator didn't want dead REDs, I told everyone. But no. We must attack." He said the last part using a partial imitation of the BLU Soldier's speech. "Destroying the REDs is our objective!" "And like the big man said, we shouldn't have. Sided with him, ya know, a day ago." The BLU Demoman added. "Only should've done what we're told." He continued.

Scout looked around and frowned even more. "Where's Medic, Spy, Sniper and Pyro, anyway!? Why do they get a free pass?" "They're doing a different kind of community service." was Engineer's only reply.

A van parked close to the sidewalk. They noticed Miss Pauling on the driver's seat. "Hey Miss P!" Scout yelled, completely changing his sour mood from earlier. "So uh, whatcha doin' here?"

"I'm just checking on all of you. How are you fairing Engie?" "We're doin' well, the boys haven't got into trouble."

"Yet!" Soldier proudly exclaimed. Engineer sighed. "...Yet. But we're close to finishing this, then we have to... do the clown thing." Everyone shuddered.

"Well, that's good, but I'm only quickly catching up with you guys out of curiosity, so no news for you guys. See you all tomorrow!" Miss Pauling said before driving off, leaving the BLUs with their work again.

  
"She blew off the pile!" "I swear to God-"


	8. End

Driving through the desert was always a pain, but soon she can relax and have Heavy drive for her, just like always. Archimedes was on the backseat, perched on the cushions in curiosity. They finally reached the 'mountains'.

She got out of the van and Archimedes perched on her shoulder. She saw that the entrance was still open. She'll scold them later.

She entered and noticed the vines on the floor. "What happened?" She said to Archimedes. He cooed back.

She finally saw what was inside the hidden compound. A naked Soldier was swimming through the lake, along with the most of the team being naked in different degrees, except for Pyro, who still wore their suit through the water. Spy was first to notice Pauling's arrival and tapped Engineer, who was busy grilling some kind of meat, Pauling couldn't see what it was.

With a yell, the rest of the team got clothed, most of them being embarrassed.

She inspected the destroyed cabin with a frown, along with the other burnt trees that thankfully didn't spread. "What happened?" She asked again. "The usual." Scout explained, still flushed. "I see." Pauling replied.

"I see you have Archimedes!" Archimedes flew to Medic's shoulder. Medic glared at Pauling with a wide grin. "I assume you took care of ze ozers as well?" Pauling nodded. "They're uh, back in my office. The ventilation in there is excellent and there's foo-" "Say no more!" Medic lost the threatening appearance of his smile. "Danke, Frau Pauling."

"Can we go back home now? I'm kinda freezin' here." Sniper said as he rubbed his upper arms. "Uh yeah, about that." Everyone turned to her in curiosity. "You guys are moving to Coldfront."

Everyone stood there in silence, and only Heavy had a smile on his face.

"At least we have a new base, right, guys?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be adding three BLU side stories. The times they spent doing community service, as well as the other 'community service' the other four did :)  
> They'll be short, except for the last one.
> 
> I'm surprised people are reading through this so uhm, I appreciate the kudos dearly!


End file.
